Men's Self-Esteem and the Challenge of Partner's Income: Beyond the Masculinity Crisis in the Modern Era

SITI AISYAH (30802300043)

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In the journey toward gender equality, the advancement of women in the workforce and in earnings is a positive sign of change. However, on the other hand, there remain psychological challenges that often go unnoticed—namely, how men frequently feel threatened or inferior when their partners earn more. This feeling is not merely about money; it is deeply connected to men's psychology, self-esteem, identity, and social norms closely tied to masculinity.

Psychologically, men’s self-esteem is heavily associated with their traditional role as the primary breadwinner. Self-esteem dependent on this role tends to be fragile when financial realities shift. A study from the University of Bath found that men’s stress levels significantly increase if their wives contribute more than 40 percent of the household income. This psychological tension negatively impacts mental health, leading to anxiety, feelings of helplessness, and conflict within the family.

Identity anxiety and masculinity crises are also key factors. Men who feel their social role as provider is displaced tend to experience serious psychological pressure. Economic dependence on the partner further intensifies feelings of losing control, which in relationship psychology is connected to a sense of security and power. To protect a threatened ego, men may exhibit defense mechanisms such as being defensive or belittling their partner’s achievements.

Furthermore, strong social and cultural pressures rooted in traditional masculinity norms make it difficult for men to accept shifting economic roles. Therefore, feelings of inferiority and stress are not simply personal issues but are the complex result of intertwined psychological and social factors.

For men who are not yet married, feelings of insecurity and fear of failing to meet these traditional roles tend to make them postpone or even avoid marriage. Many feel unprepared financially and emotionally, as well as concerned about social expectations as the primary breadwinner. Reasons such as career focus, financial uncertainty, and fear of losing freedom are also common factors behind delaying marriage. This is reinforced by data showing that men often postpone marriage because they feel unable to fulfill these traditional masculine standards.

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However, we need to shift this paradigm. Men’s self-esteem should no longer be measured solely by income but by their full contributions to the relationship—emotionally, intellectually, and as partners. A partner’s success is not a threat but an opportunity to grow equally and strengthen each other.

It is crucial for society and couples to foster honest communication and mutual support. By eliminating old stigmas and stereotypes, we can create healthier and more harmonious households, where men are free from unnecessary psychological burdens and can focus on building prosperous families together.